We love to believe we’re steering our own lives, but most of the time, we’re not leading, we’re looping. Repeating what’s familiar, calling it stability, pretending it’s choice.
The truth is, what you’re not changing, you’re still choosing.
There’s this idea I keep coming back to lately, that not deciding is a decision.
We love to think we’re leading our lives from choice and intention, but most of the time, we’re just running well-worn scripts. Staying in the loop we know, even when it doesn’t feel like us anymore.
I used to think I was pretty intentional with my life. The kind of person who knows what she wants, plans things, and goes after them.
But then I started noticing something: I was always preparing, never truly deciding. I’d have an idea that felt electric, map it out in notebooks, tell myself this is it… and then do nothing.
A week later, I’d repeat the same cycle, new idea, same energy, same stillness after.
That loop, between who I said I was and how I actually lived, stretched for years. And the tension of that (what psychologists call cognitive dissonance) became exhausting. The kind of tired that comes from rehearsing the same dream without ever touching it.
One afternoon, during a walk, it finally clicked: I wasn’t waiting for the right moment. I was the reason the moment never came. Every day I didn’t choose, I was choosing to stay the same.
So I made one small decision that aligned with who I kept saying I wanted to be. It wasn’t glamorous or perfectly timed, but it matched the story I wanted to live. That’s all it took to start closing the gap.
If you’ve been circling a dream or frustration for a while, try this reframe:
Instead of saying, “I don’t have time for that right now,” try, “I’m choosing something else over it.”
Notice what happens inside you when you say that. The discomfort might be your truth knocking.
This week, ask yourself “What am I choosing by not changing?“
Sit with whatever comes up. That’s where real movement begins.
What’s the dream you keep circling but never touching?
Tell me in the comments, I’d love to hear it.
Change doesn’t begin with clarity, it begins with honesty. Not the kind that you explain to others, but the kind that ask yourself “Am I really living what I say I want? “
If today feels like another day of circling the same dream, take one small step that proves your story isn’t stuck.
And if you want support closing that gap between what you believe and how you live, let’s work on it together.
Book a connection call or join myNewsletter to start building what you’ve been waiting to begin.
Because what you’re not changing, you’re still choosing.
Stay curious,
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